Pity.Guilt.Shame....and then some (well, a lot) of tears. Let me explain...

This has been an emotionally rough week. Well, month. I will explain this blog title as best as I can, but I promise, as I type, the tears keep flowing!

1. PITY: Besides the fact that for the first time in my married life, I actually need a job.. and can't get one. My poor husband can't start the application process with the County until I have a JOB. SO, here I sit, one month later and still nothing. Secondly, for some reason, recently, I have been having an especially hard time with the social aspect of my life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE living here in this beautiful place, and I ADORE all of the great friends I have made here in the last 8 years, I truly treasure them. However, I still just don't have much of a social life, and I have never attained the strong bonds of friendship here that I had my whole life living home in Las Vegas. I have spent the last 8 years missing the first 19! I have never known anything my whole life other than Las Vegas..Chevy Chase... Central Stake.. 23rd ward...You guys on here! (Most of you, anyway!)....Girls Camp...LVHS!...RHS ( sorry my LVHS peeps, I did go to Rancho in 9th grade, I gotta represent!)..I could go on forever, but I wont! Anyways, that is the 2nd part of the pity I have been experiencing. Thirdly, and most importantly.. today was a VERY bad day with little JJ.. All day I was honery, snappy, frustrated and angry. JJ was in the bad mood of all bad moods, and I found myself today in just a huge pile of pity!
2. GUILT: I wanted to get proof of how off the charts JJ was today, so I attempted to bust out the camcorder and start rolling footage of how bratty and mean and angry he was all day.. he woke up that way today! As I get out the camcorder and try to fast forward to make sure I don't record over anything, I come across the taping of JJ's first birthday party. In the high chair, cake and all! I got lost for a moment in how much I love this kid...then back to the "pity pit" as I like to call it...
3. SHAME: Because of my bad day, I decided to escape into blogging for a while. Im sure most of you know about the blog "A Daily Scoop", (www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com) about baby Camille and her tragic recent death at the same age as JJ. I have been following this mother's inspirational words! I decided to visit her blog first, hoping I can read her post for the day and be uplifted! Well, I sure found what I was asking for.... In comes the.....
4. TEARS..and more TEARS!: I get to the blog, and what is the very most recent post?? It is a video that Stephanie ( The mother of baby Camille) had posted. The video is 2 min and 8 seconds of a beatiful lullaby that she and her husband sang to their precious baby as she died in the hospital. The song is sung by mom and dad, as a video of baby Camille's first birthday party is rolling. High chair, cake and all. Sound familiar? ( See #2 above!). Here are the tears...

I just spent my whole day feeling sorry for myself, being angry at my precious baby for, well, being a baby! I was frustrated, snappy, and annoyed. All because he was in a bad mood, or he kept bringing me book after book after book, or because the repetetive sound of "mama" two cagillion trillion times made me want to pull my hair out. I could have spent today being grateful that I have my 19 month old here to annoy me, or want me to read to him, and even better yet to repeat my name over and over just out of infinate love for me! I watched as much of the video as I could until I quietly crept into the shower, only to spend the next 20 minutes in a steamy shower sobbing, tears and boogers flowing down my face with the water. ( sorry, the boogers might have been too much info!) I decided to blog this monumental moment. They say that the most improtant lessons learned in life, come by in quiet and humble ways.
I think today, I learned the most important lesson of all. The lesson of Gratefulness.Humility.Love.

I don't think for one second that these events were accidental. I know for surety that the Lord had a huge part in today. The good Man upstairs taught me a lesson today that I will never forget. Just as I thought the spirit had no chance of touching me on such a bad day, He sneeks in. Just as I thought He didn't listen to my quiet pleadings for greatfulness, humility and love, he enters in and patiently and lovingly, reminds me of exactly what He has blessed me with.

I love you, my little JJ !

Mandy's challenge...

So, I will take Mandy's memory challenge....

Here are the rules.....

1. Comment this post telling me a memory you have of me... even if you know me very well, or not so well...
2. If you comment with a memory, I will assume you are playing the game and you will post a memory challenge and then I can comment on yours!

Happy blogging!

An update......

Hey everyone... It's been a while since I have visited the blogging world! A lot has been going on in our little family, so here goes!

1. I am SOO proud of my husband because last Saturday he took the GED test and passed with flying colors! He is so excited, and now feels like there are so many more options open for him! He is totally excited to start the road to law enforcment and cannot wait until he can quit his job and do what he has always wanted to do! Yea...GO JEFF!

2. Being the idiot that I am, I thought that it would be a good idea to rock my child to sleep with a bottle every night since the day he was born, and as of late, I really put on my stupid hat and thought that instead of feeding him a bottle while rocking him back to sleep in the middle of the night (Yes, my 18 month old does not yet sleep through the night, lucky me, I know), I would just bring him into bed with us until he fell back asleep and put him back into his crib until morning.....Well, just as I was beggining to think this was a good idea, I realized that every night at 4:30 AM he was waking up and expecting to be brought into bed with mom and dad. In comes "THE CONTROLLED CRYING METHOD"... Thank God for Supernanny.com! So.......

3. Since putting this method to use ( you do a strict nightly routine, no bottles to sleep!, and you put them in the crib awake).. it has actually started working! After only three LOOOONG days and nights ( you use the method for naps to!).. Here is our new nightly schedule..

8:30 p.m bottle time.. he gets his bottle just like a normal drink, as soon as he is done with his bottle....
8:45 p.m into the bath.. this method calls for 5-10 min baths and NO TOYS!
9:00 p.m. Story time for 15 mintues
9:15 Into the crib and we say good night!
Then you go into the room every 10 minutes to let them know you are there and walk out of the room... you do this every 10 mintues until they are alseep!

The first night, he cried for 1 hr and 47 min, and I went in the room 11 times until he fell asleep
The second night, he cried for 45 minutes and I went in the room 4 times.
The third night, he cried for 20 minutes, I went in the room twice and...
TONIGHT... he cried for 10 mintues and I only went in once!!!
YEA FOR SUPERNANNY!!!!
O, yes and funny enough....he no longer wakes up in the middle of the night! My sleeping life is back :)

4. I got to go to Vegas and see my niece get baptized.. love ya Zoe! We had such a good time seeing family and friends, and just taking a nice day trip back home was nice!

5. Since my hubby will be taking a pretty big pay cut going to train and get on with the County as a corrections officer, I will be taking on full time work again. No luck finding a job yet, but I will surely need some moral support having to take my little man to day care! He has never been away from me, who knows, maybe it will be good for the both of us!

Until next blog!

Tattoos

Today was a funny morning in our home! Let me start with last night first, so that todays story makes sense! For some of you that don't know, my hubby has tattoos on both of his arms and also on his chest, and last night he got out of the shower, and for the first time, JJ showed and intrest in his tattoos. I don't really think he has ever even noticed them! So, last night, daddy had to give JJ a lesson on what they were called :) So, JJ learned a new word.."tattoo" and he says it SO cute! So, moving onto our funny morning.......

JJ was reading and playing in his bedroom, while I took a potty break. As I came out of the bathroom, I heard a scary sound that all you moms will recognize...It was the eery sound of silence! Usually the first predictor that something may be going terribly wrong! So, I shout out "JJ!" for about 2 minutes and couldnt find him, which for a mom, seems like 2 hours! A tense and whopping 2 minutes later, I found JJ in the corner of his room... He looked at me and said, "Dada", I said "Dadas at work"... Then I saw it... all over his arms, chest and legs...PEN! I looked at him and said "JJ! What are you doing writing all over yourself?!?!" and he said.... brace yourself............ "TATTOO!!"

Here is what I found.....

Belated Father's Day!

It's a day late, but you know what they say..better late than never! I just wanted to wish my wonderful husband a happy fathers day! As well as my own dad :) I love my husband SOO much I couldn't have chosen a better father or husband.. he is such a good daddy I love to see him with little JJ and to see how proud he is that his son carries his name is the cutest thing! I see so much of him in my little Jeff and it makes me so happy. Babe, you have given us such a great life, and you continue to do so! I am so proud of you for all that you do for us! You are the best, and I hope you always remember how much you mean to us! And to my dad.. I love you so much and it makes my heart happy to see how much you love my son, and how much he loves you! You are the best dad EVER! Love you both!!





Grandpa and his 'buckaroo'...these two love each other SOO much! I love to see my baby with his 'gampa'!

Baseball Pics...

I decided that it would be really cute to do some pictures of JJ and Jeff for Father's Day, andsince Jeff's favorite thing is baseball... what better idea than baseball pictures! So, we went to the high school baseball field and here's what we got.........

This is going to be the one that I get blown up to 11x20 and in black and white for Jeff's office at work! I absolutely LOVE this picture!





So, I really don't love this picture of me, but it was the only one with all three of us actually looking at the camera! And by the way, yes I DO posses a right index finger, I have no idea what I was doing..............

Goose egg and decorations....

So, it's random post time! I have a couple things to talk about so.... First of all, I have this friggin awesome recipe for all you summer pasta salad lovers! (I happen to be one of 'em, so this is my new favorite!) So here's the recipe..write it down and MAKE IT! You will become addicted... Second, I have a few pictures of JJ's recent fall off of a mattress..yes it left quite the goose egg, the pictures don't do it justice! And last but not least, I have posted some pictures of my new house and two areas that I am super proud of! We painted our whole house brown, with the exception of one wall in the living room that we painted burnt orange, and a half wall in JJ's room the same orange... So check em out and let me know what you think! Sorry this blog is REALLY long, I hope you stopped by my page with a little time to spare!!!

YUMMY SUMMER PASTA SALAD

6-8 Chicken breast halves, cooked and cut into bite size pieces
(I use a whole rotisseri chicken from costco all cut up, its the best!)
1- 12 oz bag cooked bowtie pasta
2 C mayo
1/4 C sugar
1/2 tsp. ginger (No more than this, or the taste gets too strong)
1 bunch green onions
4-5 celery ribs, finely chopped
2-3 green apples, finely chopped
Red seedless grapes (As many as you like)
2 small cans mandarine oranges, drained
1- 20 oz. can pineapple tidbits, drained ( I leave a little juice so the apples don't turn brown, and it gives the salad a more moist consistancy)
Sliced almonds or pecans (Optional) I don't use the nuts myself, I like a more summery fruity taste, and I think the nuts make it more..well nutty!

In a large bowl, combine all ingredients except pasta. I always put the pineapple in first so that when I cut the apples into the bowl, they don't turn brown! I cut all the fruits and veggies by hand, but as I was typing this, I thought you could probably use a food processor and chop them in there! It would save a lot of hand muscle!
After everything is in, add the COOLED and DRIED pasta to the mix. Having the pasta cool and dry is important so that the sauce sticks really well! Cool, and enjoy!


So, thats the recipe..everyone let me know how you like it! And let me know if any of you add or take away anything to make it a little different or even better! (which is nearly impossible!) Here are the pictures I told you about.....

Yes, that is my SON with a PINK friggin' binkie!
This pic really doesn't give the gooser justice!



Here is my orange wall in my front room...with a black armoire and a black shelf! Waddya think??? Heres a close up.................. It's really not as bright orange as these make it look! Our house is a little dark and all of the other walls being brown make it darker, so I did NOT paint my walls neon orange, I swear!
And heres JJs wall.. I have yet to get the 6 inch white chair rail up... so just bear with the lack of a 'finished product' picture! This is the close up, and this next one shows his bookshelf underneath....

On top of his armoire, I put the name sign that Grandpa Campbell made little JJ, he calls him his little buckaroo, so I think this name sign will be something that will always be special too JJ!



This is just a random wall that I put a shelf that I found at DI up! I painted the little dogs and doghouse, and added a poem with JJ and "Gampa" (thats what JJ calls him) that I scrapbooked and framed.

So this is the end of the longest post in history..sorry to keep you, but I had to get it all in!